Extra Marital Affairs ( Good Humor Must Read And Forward )
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Extra Marital Affairs
The 1st Affair:
�
A married man was having an affair with his
secretary.
One day they went her place and made love all
afternoon. Exhausted, they fell asleep and woke up at 8 PM.
�
The man hurriedly dressed and told his lover to take
his shoes outside and rub them in the grass and dirt.
He put on his shoes and drove home.
�
"Where have you been?" his wife demanded.
"I can't lie to you," he replied, "I'm
having an affair with my secretary. We had sex all afternoon."
�
"You lying bastard!
You've been playing golf!"
�
The 2nd Affair:
�
A middle-aged couple had two beautiful daughters but
always talked about having a son.
They decided to try one last time for the son they
always wanted.
�
The wife got pregnant and delivered a healthy baby
boy.
The joyful father rushed to the nursery to see his
new son.
�
He was horrified at the ugliest child he had ever
seen.
He told his wife, "There's no way I can be the
father of this baby. Look at the two beautiful daughters I fathered! Have you
been fooling around behind my back?"
�
The wife smiled sweetly and replied, "Not this
time!"
�
The 3th Affair:
�
A woman was in bed with her lover when she heard her
husband opening the front door.
"Hurry," she said, "stand in the
corner."
�
She rubbed baby oil all over him, then dusted him
with talcum powder.
"Don't move until I tell you," she said.
"Pretend you're a statue."
�
"What's this?" the husband inquired as he
entered the room.
"Oh it's a statue." she replied. "The
Smith's bought one and I liked it so much I got one for us, too."
�
No more was said, not even when they went to bed.
Around 2 AM the husband got up, went to the kitchen
and returned with a sandwich and a beer.
�
"Here," he said to the statue, "have
this. I stood like that for two days at the Smith's and nobody offered me a
damned thing."
�
The 4th Affair:
�
A man walked into a cafe, went to the bar and ordered
a beer.
"Certainly, Sir, that'll be one cent."
�
"One Cent?" the man thought.
He glanced at the menu and asked, "How much for
a nice juicy steak and a bottle of wine?"
�
"A nickel," the barman replied.
"A nickel?" exclaimed the man.
"Where's the guy who owns this place?"
�
The bartender replied, "Upstairs, with my
wife."
The man asked, "What's he doing upstairs with
your wife?"
�
The bartender replied,
"The same thing I'm doing to his business down
here."
�
The 5th Affair:
�
Jake was dying. His wife sat at the bedside.
He looked up and said weakly, "I have something
I must confess."
�
"There's no need to," his wife replied.
"No," he insisted, "I want to die in
peace. I slept with your sister, your best friend, her best friend, and your
mother!"
�
"I know, I know," she replied. "Now
just rest and let the poison work."
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Score Board ( 18+ Only Joke )
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Score Board
A
couple has a male friend who's visiting from out-of-state,
when an unexpected blizzard blows in, and keeps him from traveling.
Since the couple has no guest room, he states his
intention to find a nearby hotel, and be on his way in the morning.
"Nonsense," says the wife. "Our bed is
plenty big enough for all three of us, and we're all friends here."
The husband concurs, and before long they're settled
in: husband in the middle, wife on his left, friend on his right.
After a while, the husband begins snoring, and the
wife sneaks over to the friend's side of the bed, and invites him to have
sex
with her.
Naturally, he'd like to, but he's reluctant.
"We're in the same bed with your husband! He'll
wake up, and he'll kill me."
"Don't worry about it," she says,
"he's such a sound sleeper, he'll never notice. If you don't
believe me,
just yank a hair off of his butt. He won't even wake up."
So the friend yanks a hair off the husband's anus,
and sure enough, she's right.
Her husband sleeps right through having a hair yanked
out of his butt.
So, she and the friend have sex, and then she goes
back to her side of the bed.
After about twenty minutes, though, she's back on his
side of the bed, asking him to do it again.
The same argument follows, another hair is yanked
from the husband's corn hole, and again they have sex.
This keeps up for about half the night, until after
about the sixth time, when the wife goes back to her side.
Then the husband rolls over, and whispers to his
friend, "I don't mind that you're shagging my wife, but do you
really have
to use my butthole as your scoreboard?"
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MEN AND LOVE ( FUNNY READING )
Your friend sent you the link, Click Here : http://bit.ly/4q8Ax
MEN AND LOVE ( FUNNY READING )
John was waiting for his love....
"30 minutes late!!", his brain shouted at him, "Last time you
were 5 mins late and she had literally gobbled u up ... remember??"
"Yeah yeah", he said to his brain, "You know her ... all moody
and stuff .... oh there she is"
"Scold her OK?", his brain adviced.
"OK I will try"
Sweet Sally comes with the cutest smile and says "Im sorry honey ... I was
shopping for shoes ... totally forgot about you"
"What if you had said that line buddy?", shouted his brain ....
"she would have had a nervous breakdown"
John ignored his brain .. "Its OK honey .. its only half an hour .. no
problem"
She smiled once again .. held his hand and asked "Hope you remember what
occasion is today"
"OMG!!!", thought John .....
"Brain ... search database for reminders, anniversaries, silly
anniversaries, birthdays and birthdays of people I dont care about"
Brain got into action ... he started delegating work to different parts ...
parallel processing .. multiple search .......... complete memory scan.
Sally stared at John .... "Hello!! u have been staring at me for 2 minutes
now ... u OK?"
"Huh!!!", he said, "Oh ... nothing's wrong .. was lost in
thought"
"No records found", said the brain ...
"Damn!!", thought John
"So what say ... how do we celebrate this day?", she asked.
John is all confused ... "Ask her ...dumbo?". said the brain
"OK OK ...stop pushing me"
"Honey .. U know my lousy memory .. I guess I cant recall what today
is"
"WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT T!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!" , she shouted ... and started
crying.
"How could you forget!! ..... its my doggy's birthday"
"!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!"
A moment of silence.
His entire brain staff was laughing at him.
John was dumbfounded. "What the hell am I supposed to do know?", he
asked his brain.
"Damage control sequence initialized ... dont worry our specialist will
comeback with the perfect line to make everything all right"
"Better do it fast ..brainy"
The brain was working at 90% capacity ..... gathering and analyzing all data on
'How to handle women?'
Finally an answer was computed and communicated to John.
He looked up to her, and said "Of Course I remember your doggie's
birthday
... how can I forget that sweet mutt's special day"
She looked up with utter surprise ...
"HUH!!!!!!! ....... Doggy is the name of my cat you jerk"
She stood up angrily and left. John and his brain were left there
clueless ....
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